Click Here to access the non-javascript version of the Site Map


Abusive Power & Control

Tactics in Relationships

With gender neutral terms, this list can and does fit either partner. It takes two to do this dance, decide not to be part of the dance and take back your own power.


  • Physical Abuse:
    Pushing, shoving, hitting, slapping, choking, pulling hair, punching, grabbing, kicking, beating, throwing your partner down, using a weapon against your partner, twisting arms, tripping, biting.
  • Emotional Abuse:
    Putting your partner down or attempting to make your partner  feel bad about themselves, calling your partner names. Making your partner think they are crazy. Mind games.
  • Economic Abuse:
    Trying to keep your partner  from getting or keeping a job. Making your partner ask for money, giving your partner an allowance, taking your partner's  money.
  • Sexual Abuse:
    Making your partner do sexual things against their will. Physically attacking the sexual parts of your partner's  body. Treating your partner like a sex object. Making your partner feel inadequate sexually. Refusing sex as a manipulation tactic.
  • Using Children:
    Making your partner feel guilty about the children, using the children to give messages, using visitation as a way to harass your partner.
  • Threats:
    Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt your partner emotionally. Threaten to take your partner's children, commit suicide, and report your partner  to welfare.
  • Using Fe/Male Privilege:
    Treating your partner  like a servant. Making all the "big" decisions. Acting like the "master/mistress of the castle".
  • Intimidation:
    Putting your partner in fear by using looks, actions, gestures, loud tone of voice, smashing things, destroying your partner property.
  • Isolation:
    Controlling what your partner does, who your partner  sees and talks to, where your partner  goes.
  • Legal System Abuse:
    Either threatening, or actually taking your partner back to court for more money when actually you only want to punish or manipulate your partner . Using legal loopholes to coerce your partner to pay you money that s/he doesn't really owe.