Excerpts from: The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused –

Mar 27 2006 by Carla Van Dam (Author)

Page 3:

"Child molesters also gravitate to those people who are most likely to be too polite to fend them off, too shy and anxious to tell them to leave, too dependent to be assertive, and too impressed by rank, power, status, or money to do the right thing. Child molesters deliberately associate with adults who cannot address these issues. They seek out adults who worry about hurting people's feelings. They charm the adults who do not believe it could happen.

In other words, the children most at risk of being sexually abused by these Groomers are the children surrounded by adults who cannot stomach learning about child sexual abuse. These adults may therefore inadvertently be more likely to welcome a child molester into their homes, organizations or communities, ignore the evidence, overcome concerns, and talk themselves out of believing the possible suspicions. Adults who are timid, shy, obedient, and polite, and who ignore suspicious discrepancies for fear of hurting the feelings of child molesters, are unaware that these characteristics are more likely to make them lightning rods for Groomers.

Child molesters are addicted to having sex with children and therefore more likely to appear wherever children congregate. They choose careers and hobbies that give them access to children. They become coaches, educators, therapists, child-care workers, babysitters, priests, ministers, hospice care providers, and paediatricians. They marry into families with children. The list of opportunities to gain access to children is endless. This does not mean that all coaches, educators, therapists, child-care workers, babysitters, priests, ministers, hospice care providers, or paediatricians are child molesters. Rather, the reverse is true. Child molesters rely on these and other opportunities to access children.

Child molesters are continuously busy with activities to gain access to children, but they focus on children only after the adults responsible for those children have signalled an unwillingness to monitor boundary violations, thereby having communicated that subtle cues of misconduct will be overlooked, ignored, or tolerated (van Dam, 2001). Groomers test this hypothesis by pushing boundaries of privacy, personal space and touching of children in front of adults, while carefully monitoring the reactions of surrounding adults. The Groomers look for those adults who seem oblivious to improprieties, do nothing, or say nothing, because they know those adults are the key gatekeepers for safe access to children. The Groomers then know those are the children to molest.

Groomers do not waste time with children when adults do not exhibit codependent passivity or inattention. Adults who understand these dynamics, trust their instincts, do not tolerate improprieties, are assertive, and clearly set boundaries tend to be avoided because they cannot be safely manipulated, and their children are the most likely to tell. These Groomers know better than to waste their time around such families or communities, as time spent with people who cannot deliver victims is time stolen from the Groomer's "raison d'être."

Page 4-5


Mental health professionals rely on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Test Revision (DSM-IV TR) (APA, 2000) as the authority for distinguishing between addictions and lesser problems easily corrected with information and motivation. Addictions, as noted by the DSM-IV TR, are different from compulsive behaviours, which tend to be more consistently occur to moderate anxiety (Schwartz & Begley, 2002; APA, 2000). Criteria for meeting the diagnosis of dependency is clearly delineated for clinicians. The sexual molesters under discussion meet the criteria for dependency, in this case their drug of choice being sex with children. With only a slight alteration in the wording, the criteria used for determining substance dependence could also be used to describe the addictive sexual nature of the offenders under discussion. Namely, the Groomers who exhibit three of the following behaviours would meet criteria for their sexual misconduct to be viewed as an addiction:

* preoccupied with sexual interactions with children

* need for sex with children escalates in frequency and/or intensity

* unsuccessful in controlling the behaviour

* irritable when trying to control the behaviour

* uses sex with children to escape from problems or relieve dysphoria

* returns to sexual activities despite incarceration or almost being caught

* lies to others to mask sexual activities with children

* jeopardizes community standing to maintain sexual contact with children

Viewing these offenders as meeting criteria for sexual dependence is not in lieu of the DSM-IV TR criteria for the diagnosis of paedophilia, but rather an expansion to more specifically recognize that these prolific Grooming child molesters under discussion, precisely because the addictive nature of their behaviour will help better direct investigations, guide reporting strategies, and develop monitoring recommendations.

The Socially Skilled Child Molester

Which speaks to "Social network"

This type of talk differs from gossip in a number of ways: (1) it is not malicious; (2) it is intended to help process information, debrief events, and educate; and (3) it included sharing personal stories, revealing one's own predicaments and worries, and therefore becoming both therapeutic and education. This is also how newcomers for a community more efficiently access services..........

PG 102

......"When in doubt, do not allow unsupervised access.".....

Key concerns when interviewing _____ molesters include the following:

Identifying lies

-------Admitting small errors

-------Creating distractions

  • Phony remorse

  • Creating relationship

  • Inconsistencies

  • Rehearsed speech

  • Too much information

  • Going on the defensive

The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused Paperback – Mar 27 2006

by Carla Van Dam (Author)

Revealing the secret but successful strategies used by child molesters allows adults to intervene long before children are abused. The Socially Skilled Child Molester: Differentiating the Guilty from the Falsely Accused identifies how socially proficient molesters successfully ingratiate themselves into families and communities. The book closely examines their techniques and strategies while detailing the tools for prevention. The difficult issue of false accusation is tackled by learning the distinctions that clearly differentiate the actions of the guilty from those who are innocent. Practical recommendations for accurately assessing danger and managing safety are provided.

The Socially Skilled Child Molester focuses on the sexual deviants who 'groom' family, friends, and their community to allow their activities, though arousing suspicion, to go on without restriction. This essential source reveals their tactics. Using composite representations of various types of child molesters, the author illustrates through case history and detailed research how these offenders succeed, while providing recommendations on how communities can stop enabling and protecting such individuals.

The Socially Skilled Child Molester discusses in depth:

  • ’groomers’ versus ’grabbers’

  • common misperceptions about child molesters

  • the groomer profile―the different types

  • groomer strategies for manipulation

  • correctly differentiating between pedophiles and the falsely accused

  • predicting risk

  • the key concerns when interviewing child molesters

  • the three levels of child molesters

  • recidivism for the sexual deviant.

The Socially Skilled Child Molester comprehensively brings together helpful strategies and vital information essential for parents, lawmakers, police, teachers, and therapists.

Purchase your copy here: https://www.amazon.ca/Socially-Skilled-Child-Molester-Differentiating/dp/0789028069/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1485058748&sr=1-1;

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